the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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