1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
