i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
