all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
