Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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