you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
