We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
