Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
