You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
