i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
