i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
