chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
