I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
