My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
