He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had to cum in my sink.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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