My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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