god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
