It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
