we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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