there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
