I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think i have two assholes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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