This is not my ceiling
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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