Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
