How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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