Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
