I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
