Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
