I'd wear matching sweaters with you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
