You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
