I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
