Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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