she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
