covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
