Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
