I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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