I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
