my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
