You really coming over, don't trick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
