come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
