The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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