wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
