I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
