Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
