i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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