I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
