Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
