Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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