Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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