so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
