Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
